Ryle's Lesson Five: Knowledge of the Bible

Now I realize as we go through JC Ryle's The Duties of Parents, that there might be a wide variety of people reading this. There are our regular readers (and we love you stopping by!), as well as friends and family that occasionally check in. There are also the drop-ins that visit by "accident", and will occasionally even comment. We have been blessed by the kindness of most all who have commented on the entries herein. I trust that this will continue!

I say this because we're moving now from what could have been viewed as mild words with good advice on parenting to some strong words regarding the Word of God: the Bible.

Erik and I know that the Bible holds the very inspired words of God, and we know this both intellectually and experientially. We encourage those of you who visit here that haven't dusted off your Bibles for a while to do so, and begin to see the value of not only the wise words it carries, but in the life it offers to those who are called by God Himself. Is He drawing your heart closer to His own? Are you thinking about Him more...maybe considering going to church or at least reading the Bible here and there? Consider that He might be beginning to draw you, and reach out to Him. Begin in the gospels (that's Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), and once you've done that, ask us...we'll help you figure out where to go after that!

Now, on to the Lesson: Train Your Child to a Knowledge of the Bible

You cannot make your children love the Bible, I allow. None but the Holy Ghost an give us a heart to delight in the Word. But you can make your children acquainted with the Bible; and be sure they cannot be acquainted with that blessed book too soon, or too well.

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is the foundation of all clear views of religion. He that is well-grounded in it will not generally be found a waverer, and carried about by every wind of new doctrine. Any system of training which does not make a knowledge of Scripture the first thing is unsafe and unsound.

You have need to be careful on this point just now, for the devil is abroad, and error abounds. Some are to be found amongst us who give the Church the honour due to Jesus Christ. Some are to be found who make the sacraments saviors and passports to eternal life. And some are to be found in like manner who honor a chatechism more than the Bible, or fill the minds of their children with miserable little story-books, instead of the Scripture of truth.

But if you love your children, let the simple Bible be everything in the
training of their souls; and let all other books go down and take the second place.

Care not so much for their being mighty in the chatechism, as for their being mighty in the Scriptures. This is the training, believe me, that God will honor. The Psalmist says of Him, "Thou hast magnified Thy Word above all Thy name" (Psalm 138:2); and I think that He gives an especial blessing to all who try to magnify it among men.

See that your children read the Bible reverently. Train them to look on it, not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the Word of God, written by the Holy Ghost Himself - all true, all profitable, and able to make us wise unto salvation, through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

See that they read it regularly. Train them to regard it as their soul's daily food - as a thing essential to their soul's daily health. I know well you cannot make this anything more than a form; but there is no telling the amount of sin which a mere form may indirectly restrain.

See that they read it all. You need not shrink from bringing any doctrine before them. You need not fancy that the leading doctrines of Christianity are things which children cannot understand. Children understand far more of the Bible than we are apt to suppose.

Tell them of sin, its guilt, its consequences, its power, its vileness; you will find they can comprehend something of this.

Tell them of the Lord Jesus Christ, and His work for our salvation - the atonement, the cross, the blood, the sacrifice, the intercesssion: you will discover there is something not beyond them in all this.

Tell them of the work of the Holy Spirit in man's heart, how He changes, and renews, and sanctifies, and purifies: you will soon see they can go along with you in some measure in this. In short, I suspect we have no idea how much a little child can take in of the length and breadth of the glorious gospel. They see far more of these things than we suppose.

As to the age when the religious instruction of a child should begin, no general rule can be laid down. The mind seems to open in some children more quickly than in others. We seldom begin too early. There are wonderful examples on record of what a child can attain to, even at three years old.

Fill their minds with Scripture. Let the Word dwell in them richly.
Give them the Bible, the whole Bible, even while they are young.

Make sure you come back soon for the next lesson: Train them to a habit of prayer.

Ryle's Lesson Four - The Soul of Your Child

We'll continue, now, with Ryle's Lesson Four: Train with this thought continually before your eyes - that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered. To catch up with us, if you're just joining in, you might begin with the Introduction, and then continue "up".

Precious, no doubt, are these little ones in your eyes; but if you love them, think often of their souls. No interest should weigh with you so much as their eternal interests. No part of them should be so dear to you as that part which will never die. The world, with all its glory, shall pass away; the hills shall melt; the heavens shall be wrapped together as a scroll; the sun shall cease to shine. But the spirit which dwells in those little creatures, whom you love so well, shall outlive them all, and whether in happiness or misery (to speak as a man) will depend on you.

This is the thought that should be uppermost on your mind in all you do for your children. In every step you take about them, in every plan, and scheme, and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, "How will this affect their souls?"

Soul love is the soul of all love. To pet and pamper and indulge your child, as if this world was all he had to look to, and this life the only season for happiness - to do this is not true love, but cruelty. It is treating him like some beast of the earth, which has but one world to look to, and nothing after death. It is hiding from him that grand truth, which he ought to be made to learn from his very infancy - that the chief end of his life is the salvation of his soul.

A true Christian must be no slave to fashion, if he would train his child for heaven. He must not be content to do things merely because they are the custom of the world; to teach them and instruct them in certain ways, merely because it is usual; to allow them to read books of a questionable sort, merely because everybody else reads them; to let them form habits of a doubtful tendency, merely because they are the habits of the day. He must not be ashamed to hear his training called singular and strange. What if it is? The time is short - the fashion of this world passeth away. He that has trained his children for heaven, rather than for earth - for God rather than for man - he is the parent that will be called wise at last.

Our next lesson from Dr. Ryle will be to "Train Your Child to a Knowledge of the Bible". This is an important one, and one that will also tie in with our other study in Shepherding a Child's Heart.

Shepherding a Child's Heart...A Book Club Review

Today I begin, with the companionship of Meredith and Elisa, a book review. I know we’ve been working through JC Ryle’s The Duties of Parents, which we’ll continue doing, but I’d love for you to join in this Book Club of sorts.

We’ll be going through the book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp. Feel free to join the discussion by commenting in my comments section, and learning further about the chapters from Meredith and Elisa’s blogs (and commenting there as well).

We’re going to jump in with both my introduction and Mr. Tripp’s.

I am the mother of six wonderful children, between the ages of 20 months and 12 ½ years. Erik and I will celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary this summer. We began our parenting adventure with this motto: We will not be raising bratty kids. How little we knew what hard work it would take in our parenting to achieve that end. But we haven’t given up.

So join us on this journey as we highlight portions of this book, and see how much we learn together.

***~~***~~***~~***~~*** ~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***

Introduction

In his introduction, Mr. Tripp makes a very true point:

Many people have children, but do not want to be parents. Our culture has convinced them that they need to quench their personal thirst for fulfillment. In a self-absorbed culture, children are a clear liability.

Parenting takes time. It takes effort and strength and endurance. It’s not an until-they-get-to-preschool-age thing. It’s not enough to parent in the after-school hours. Time is critical to our parenting.

Tripp goes on to say,

Today’s parents are part of the generation that threw off authority…It changed the way we think about authority and the rights of the individual. As a result, it is no longer acceptable for Dad to be the “boss” at home…Today’s parents are frustrated and confused. Children don’t act like they should and parents don’t understand why. Many have concluded the job is impossible.

He then goes on to “overview a biblical vision for the parenting task.”

The parenting task is multifaceted. It involves being authorities who are kind, shepherding your children to understand themselves in God’s world, and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God.

What he says next is critical, and we should give much thought to it:

God calls His creatures to live under authority. He is our authority and has vested authority in people within the institutions he has established (home, church, state, business). You must not be embarrassed to be authorities for your children. You exercise authority as God’s agent. You may
not direct your children for your own agenda or convenience. You must direct your children on God’s behalf for their good.

I would love to have Tom comment here on his view of authority. Being in the Air Force for as many years as he has (not to mention being a father himself), I’m sure he’s seen a variety of good authority styles and bad, as well as learning the importance of authority. It’s definitely missing from the rest of our culture, and it’s no wonder our children have no idea what good authority is for our families and homes.

The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power, but to empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God…children generally do not resist authority that is truly kind and selfless.

And then we come to the summary of the book’s main idea. “If authority best describes the parent’s relationship to the child, the best description of the activity of the parent to the child is shepherding. The parent is the child’s guide. This shepherding process helps a child to understand himself and the world in which he lives. The parent shepherds a child to assess himself and his responses. He shepherds the child to understand not just the ‘what’ of the child’s actions, but also the ‘why’. As the shepherd, you want to help your child understand himself as a creature made by and for God. You cannot show him these things merely by instruction; you must lead him on a path of discovery. You must shepherd his thoughts, helping him to learn discernment and wisdom.”

I appreciated his further point that we are not to simply direct the children’s behavior, but the attitudes of their hearts.

One final quote from the Introduction:

The law of God is not easy for natural man. Its standard is high and cannot be achieved apart from God’s supernatural grace. God’s law teaches us our need of grace. When you fail to hold out God’s standard, you rob your children of the mercy of the gospel.

So my goal is this:

“Therefore, your parenting goal cannot simply be well-behaved children. Your children must also understand why they sin and how to recognize internal change”.

Ryle's Lesson Three-'B': Much Depends on You

Ryle says:

And all this is one of God's merciful arrangements. He gives your children a mind that will receive impressions like moist clay. He gives them a disposition at the starting-point of life to believe what you tell them, and to take for granted what you advise them, and to trust your word rather than a stranger's. He gives you, in short, a golden opportunity of doing them good. See that the opportunity be not neglected, and thrown away. Once let slip it is gone forever.

Beware of that miserable delusion into which some have fallen - that parents can do nothing for their children, that you must leave them alone, wait for grace, and sit still. These persons have wishes for their children in Balaam's fashion - they would like them to die the death of the righteous man, but they do nothing to make them live his life. They desire much, and have nothing. And the devil rejoices to see such reasoning, just as he always does over anything which seems to excuse indolence, or to encourage neglect of means.

I know that you cannot convert your child. I know well that they who are born again are born, not of the will of man, but of God. But I also know that God says expressly, "Train up a child in the way he should go," and that He never laid a command on man which He would not give man grace to perform. And I know, too, that our duty is not to stand still and dispute, but to go forward and obey. It is just in the going forward that God will meet us. The path of obedience is the way in which He gives the blessing. We have only to do as the servants were comannded at the marriage feast in Cana, to fill the water-pots with water, and we may safely leave it to the Lord to turn that water into wine.

Next: The soul of your child...

Ryle's Lesson Three-'A': Much depends upon You

(To read the whole message, start here)

Grace is the strongest of all principles. See what a revolution grace effects when it comes into the heart of an old sinner - how it overturns the strongholds of Satan - how it casts down mountains, fills up valleys - makes crooked things straight - and new creates the whole man. Truly nothing is impossible to grace.

Nature, too, is very strong. See how it struggles against the things of the kingdom of God - how it fights against every attempt to be more holy - how it keeps up an unceasing warfare within us to the last hour of life. Nature is indeed strong.

But after nature and grace, undoubtedly, there is nothing more powerful than education. Early habits (if I may so speak) are everything with us, under God. We are made what we are by training. Our character takes the form of that mold into which our first years are cast.

He has seen but little of life who does not discern everywhere the effect of
education on men's opinions and habits of thinking. The children bring out
of the nursery that which displays itself throughout their livesWe depend,
in vast measure, on those who bring us up. ~Cecil

We get from them a colour, a taste, a bias which cling to us more or less all our lives. We catch the language of our nurses and mothers, and learn to speak it aalmost insensibly, and unquestionably we catch something of their manners, ways, and mind at the same time. Time only will show, I suspect, how much we all owe to early impressions, and how many things in us may be traced up to seeds sown in the days of our very infancy, by those who were about us. A very learned Englishman, Mr. Locke, has gone so far as to say:

That of all of the men we meet with, nine parts out of ten are what they are,
good or bad, useful or not, according to their education.

Stay tuned for the remainder of this important lesson!

Ryle's Lesson Two-'B' - Training with Affection

Just joining us? Go here to start at the beginning!

Ryle continues this chapter with the following:

We must not expect all things at once. We must remember what children are, and teach them as they are able to bear. Their minds are like a lump of metal - not to be forged and made useful at once, but only by a succession of little blows. Their understandings are like narrow-necked vessels: we must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or much of it will be spilled and lost. "line upon line, and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little," must be our rule. The whetstone does its work slowly, but frequent rubbing will bring the scythe to a fine edge. Truly there is need of patience in training a child, but without it nothing can be done.

Nothing will compensate for the absence of this tenderness and love. A minster may speak the truth as it is in Jesus, clearly, forcibly, unanswerably; but if he does not speak it in love, few souls will be won. Just so you must set before your children their duty - command, threaten, punish, reason - but if affection be wanting in your treatment, your labour will be all in vain.

Love is one grand secret of successful training. Anger and harshness may frighten, but they will not persuade the child that you are right; and if he sees you often out of temper, you will soon cease to have his respect. A father who speaks to his son as Saul did to Jonathan (I Sam. 20:30), need not expect to retain his influence over that son's mind.

Try hard to keep up a hold on your child's affections. It is a dangerous thing to make your children afraid of you. Anything is almost better than reserve and constraint between your child and yourself; and this will come in with fear. Fear puts an end to openness of manner - fear leads to concealment; fear sows the seed of much hypocrisy, and leads to many a lie. There is a mine of truth in the Apostle's words to the Colossians: "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged" (Col. 3:21). Let not the advice it contains be overlooked.

Come back soon to read Lesson Three: Train Your Children With and Abiding Persuasion on Your Mind That Much Depends Upon You.

Ryle's Lesson Two-'A' - Training with Tenderness

(Please scroll down for the first two installments, the introduction, and Lesson One, if you are just catching up with us now!)

In Chapter II, entitled "Train Up Your Child With All Tenderness, Affection, and Patience, Ryle says:

I do not mean that you are to spoil him, but I do mean that you should let him see that you love him.

Love should be the silver thread that runs through all your conduct. Kindness, gentleness, long-suffering, forbearance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys - these are the cords by which a child may be led most easily - these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart.

Few are to be found, even among grown-up people, who are not more easy to draw than to drive. There is that in all our minds which rises in arms against compulsion; we set up our backs and stiffen our necks at the very idea of a forced obedience. We are like young horses in the hand of a breaker: handle them kindly, and make much of them, and by and by you may guide them with thread; use them roughly and violently, and it will be many a month before you get the mastery of them at all.

Now children's minds are cast in much the same mold as our own. Sterness and severity of manner chill them and throw them back. It shuts up their hearts, and you will weary yourself to find the door. But let them only see that you have an affectionate feeling towards them - that you are really desirous to make them happy, and do them good - that if you punish them, it is intended for their profit, and that, like the pelican, you would give your heart's blood to nourish their souls; let them see this, I say, and they will soon be all your own. But they must be wooed with kindness, if their attention is ever to be won.

And surely reason itself might teach us this lesson. Children are weak and tender creatures, and, as such, they need patient and considerate treatment. We must handle them delicately, like frail machines, lest by rough fingering we do more harm than good. They are like young plants, and need gentle watering - often, but little at a time.

I think I'll leave you (us?) to chew on this one for a bit. Stay tuned for the second half of this lesson coming soon to an Engstrom Blog near you.

Grieving our loss of a good man

John Hollicky, a friend from church, went from this life to his eternal reward with his Savior today. He was a relatively young man (in his late 40's or early 50's, I'm guessing) with three young-adult children and 2 grandchildren. He had a terrible work accident, suffered brain damage, and slipped into a coma.

He was a kind man, and a servant of the highest quality. This world has suffered a loss because of his passing. And our prayers and tears go out for Sharon, and their children TJ, Sarah, and Esther.

Ryle's Lesson One - Train them in the way they SHOULD go.

(For an introduction to this message, please read the previous post.)

First, then, if you would train your children rightly, train them in the way they should go, and not in the way that they would.

"Remember," Ryle writes, "children are born with a decided bias towards evil, and therefore if you let them choose for themselves, they are certain to choose wrong.

"A mother cannot tell what her tender infant may grow up to be - tall or short, weak or strong, wise or foolish: he may be any of these things or not - it is all uncertain. But one thing the mother can say with certainty: he will have a corrupt and sinful heart. It is natural to us to do wrong. 'Foolishness,' says Solomon, 'is bound in the heart of a child' (Proverbs 22:15). 'A child left to himself bring[s] his mother to shame" (Proverbs 29:15). Our hearts are like the earth on which we tread; let it alone, and it is sure to bear weeds.

"If, then, you would deal wisely with your child, you must not leave him to the guidance of his own will. Think for him, judge for him, act for him, just as you would for one weak and blind; but for pity's sake, give him not up to his own wayward tastes and inclinations. It must not be his likings and wishes that are consulted. He knows not yet what is good for his mind and soul, any more than what is good for his body. You do not let him decide what he shall eat, and what he shall drink, and how he shall be clothed. Be consistent, and deal with his mind in like manner. Train him in the way that is scriptural and right, and not in the way that he fancies.

"If you cannot make up your mind to this first principle of Christian training, it is useless for you to read any further. Self-will is almost the first thing that appears in a child's mind; and it must be your first step to resist it."

I think that, as parents, we make a grave mistake by unthinkingly believing that our children know what's best for them. They truly do choose the wrong path more often than the right, and we are in our proper jurisdiction as parents to correct and direct out children. Not only is this the right thing for us to do, but it is the only thing to do if we want well-behaved children.

Tomorrow, we'll listen as Dr. Ryle teaches us about the importance of tenderness and affection.

Training Parents to Train their Children

In this day when parents are throwing up their hands in frustration, and children are walking all over their parents, we are in desperate need of some words of wisdom that will help us reach our goal of raising children that grow up wise and honorable. I would like to share with you from a booklet that I'm reading right now, The Duties of Parents, by John C. Ryle. Dr. Ryle lived in the 19th Century, a preacher in Liverpool, England. He has written on various subjects, but this one, written in 1888, is very dear to my heart. This is how he begins...

"Train up a child in the way he should go;
and when he is old, he wil not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6


I suppose that most professing Christians are aquainted with the text at the head of this page...It cannot be said that the subject is a new one...As a minister, I cannot help remarking that there is hardly any subject about which people seem so tenacious as they are about their children. I have sometimes been perfectly astonished at the slowness of sensible Christian parents to allow that their own children are in fault, or deserve blame. There are not a few persons to whom I would far rather speak about their own sins, than tell them their children had done anything wrong.

Come now, and let me place before you a few hints about right training. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost bless them, and make them words in season to you all. Reject them not because they are blunt and simple; despise them not because they contain nothing new. Be very sure, if you would train children for heaven, they are hints that ought not to be lightly set aside.

And so begins The Duties of Parents.
We'll continue with the next post with Dr. Ryle's first lesson.

Over the River and Through the Woods...

To the Grocery Store we go...

A while back, Meredith and I had a short conversation, mainly in my comments' section, about taking our kids to the store and what we can do to make it an enjoyable and DO-able experience.

Well, I just ran across Molly's "Grocery Shopping With Lots of Little Ones (and Enjoying It!)", a cute primer that has some wonderful ideas that I plan to put to use! I learned more than helpful tips; I appreciated her love for her children and joy being around them. Re-reading my post, I saw some glaring weakness in that area...I hope to see this change soon. So stop by Molly's and check it out! (Pun intended!)

When you need a smile

Click on this link, when all you need is to hear the precious laughter of a little child!

Strawberry Freezer Jam

Long after this entry is done,
And our lives go on living this life,
When the setting of each evening's sun
Leaves us blessed with feelings of rife,
And we look upon each brand new day
With the joy of amazing grace found
Watch a sunrise as heaven's array,
Making all of the simple profound.

What can bring all this joy, you might ask?
What has caused me to walk on cloud nine?
I'll tell you, 'twas simply a task,
That delights this old spirit of mine!
A task, tho, of precious reward;
Stacked high in the freezer, I am
Sure, like love, it's not meant to be stored -
My freshly made Strawberry Jam!

My new Utility Room

'Lis commented on my last post about us now having a great place for more dirty laundry. She knows me too well. However, I thought I would share the HOPE that this new utility room will offer us, and what our plans are.

We have had a need for a long time for a laundry room. From the time we were first married, we have never had an adequate place to store and care for our dirty clothes. Our machines have been in public Laundromats, in one home's hallway, and in this home it's in the main bathroom that our guests use. Very inconvenient; and because laundry is probably my biggest weakness, I have been on the search for deliverance! Not from the laundry...with a family of eight, that's just not going to happen. No, I just need a SYSTEM that will work.

We're hoping this new room will help.

We've taken an extra room (I know, I know, that sounds so extravagant that we have an "extra room", but it's one that we used to host Bible college students for the first few years we lived here) and stripped it down to the four walls. We even took out the closet. In the next few weeks, this is what will transpire:

*Cutting through the walls to bring the plumbing into this room from the bathroom beside it;
*Creating a hookup and venting system for the dryers;
*Picking out flooring and wall color;
*Purchasing or designing a closet system;
*Painting the walls and installing flooring and closets;
*Moving the washing machine and two dryers (YES, TWO!) into the room;
*Making the room "mine"

The plan is this: one wall will host the washer and dryers (hallelujah!); one wall will have a sewing area; and the final two walls will be built-in closet and cubby space. The idea is to create an area that will be like a walk-in closet. All of the children's clothing will be in there, sorted by size. So, for example, when Roo outgrows his size 4's, he'll just start wearing the size 5's. The girls will hang their dresses together. There will be baskets for unmentionables and socks. I read about another large family (MUCH larger than ours) doing this, and Erik and I were inspired. Imagine just folding things out of the dryer, turning around, and putting them right where they go. We'll have one area for dirty clothes.

NOW, I am really excited about this, so no popping my bubble anyone, okay? I can't wait to see if this is what's going to work for our family. I am ready for victory in this area!

Field trips and flu bugs and teething, oh my!

We have been so terribly absent from our blog recently. I'm sure we've lost hundreds of readers as a result, being as wildly popular as we are. *Sigh*

Well, for those faithful ones that are still checking in on us, we're still here. (*chipper smiles with our chins valiantly raised up*)

We spent a long weekend away, enjoying our first homeschool trip to our state capital, Olympia, a couple of weekends ago. We met with one of our representatives, who kindly gave us 10 minutes of his time, a listening ear, and even provided a magic card trick for the kids. We toured the Legislative Building. Then the next day we were off to Shelton (about 20 minutes away!) for a meeting Erik had with other pyros. We like that hotel because they have a great indoor pool, and even better, an enormous in-room hot tub for mama! ;-) Then off to a home church with some dear friends, the Bradricks, Resurrection Day lunch there after the Bible Study time, the 2-hour drive to Erik's folks out in Maple Valley for Easter Dinner, and then home late.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

We woke up to illness in the house (some friends who are staying in our upstairs); their daughter was sick, so we high-tailed it to Erik's folks' house again, and ended up staying a week. We just didn't want to get sick! Guess what?

Erik got it first. Eej is finally recovering. Bummer. Eej is teething, also, so he's just one-happy-fellow right now. *double sigh*

SO we're back home, recovering, getting back into the swing of things. I was inspired reading about Cindy's family recently, and am enjoying a more normal life with my family.

So with all of that, we hope to get back into some good blogging again.

And, as always, God is good.